thank you for shutting the f*$k up

Much happiness today- the supermarket checkout machine didn't talk to me.

Normally, it talks. In this irritatingly perky female voice:

• "Please swipe your item. "
  
• "Do you have any coupons?"
  
• "Place the items in the bag."
  
• "Thank your shopping at Giant Eagle".

It speaks in the dreaded "have a nice day" voice: perfunctory; devoid of emotion or hope that a nice day will ever be possible UNLESS you buy today's special (two for one, for a limited time).

Its the same voice I imagine saying:

• "We're sorry, all your oxygen credits have expired. Air supply will now be terminated".
  
• or "Self-destruct sequence initiated. you have five minutes to reach minimum safe distance".

I used to grin and bear it but now that they've turned the f*$ker off I can shop happily again, nothing intruding on my solitude, In future, I will now drive the extra mile to shop here, just to avoid the performance pressure to be perky.

I just don't get the point. Why do we need CHEERINESS and HAPPINESS from a dumb machine? Try this simple test. Instead of "have a nice day", imagine that a mechanical checkout device says random things to you like:

• "Did you know that after 2 hours of shopping, you're closer to death?"
• "Please don't eat all your purchases- intestinal damage may result."
• "Medical authorities warn that 50% of you are below average."
  
• "While you were shopping, your car was stolen."
• "The tests are back- you're positive."

What does that change? Is your day really ruined?

It is? Oh- then please have a nice day and thank you for shopping at Blogger.